it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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