can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
