Welp...herpes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
