I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
