I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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