Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
