I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
