Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize