I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
