some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
