If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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