Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
