I just saw a hot homeless man
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
