Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
