My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize