whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
