When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
