To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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