Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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