I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize