we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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