btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
