I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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