hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
