Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
