Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
