ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
