Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
