My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
