He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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