ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
