I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you win again, gameday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
