I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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