Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
