i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
