Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
