he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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