I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
