I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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