just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
