Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize