If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize