So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Found the puke drawer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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