Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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