There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
