i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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