Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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