R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
