those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
