how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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