please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
