Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
