She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
