found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
