Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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