Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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