12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
