The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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