the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
