Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
