Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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