Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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