hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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