last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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