I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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