I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
