so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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