I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize