In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
