i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
