Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
