I can tuck mytits in my pants
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
