My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
