I want to walk on stilts...naked
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
