What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
