You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
