So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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