A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
