True but thats because hes a fetus.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
