I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
