Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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