I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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