we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
