Say something about gay babies.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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