toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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