How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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