I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
