We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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