you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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