With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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