I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
