There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
