real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
