I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
