I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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