...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
