based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
