We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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