then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
