can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize