Please, let me fuck your mom
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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