Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
